How Long Should the Talking Stage Last?

How long should the talking stage last? Most dating advice sites say somewhere from 2 to 6 weeks up to about 3 months. But the length matters less than whether it is moving. Tap in your weeks, dates and calls above, and the check tells you if your talking stage is moving, slow but fine, or stalled, and what to do next.

What is the talking stage?

The talking stage is the time after you match or meet and before you are really dating. You text, you call, you maybe go on a first date or two, and you work out if you like each other. Nobody has said what it is yet, and early on that is fine.

When it stays stuck between these, with closeness but no talk about what it is, it has usually become a situationship. The situationship quiz helps you tell, and can send 8 questions to them too.

How long should the talking stage last?

Nobody has studied this. What exists is advice, and it disagrees:

• 2 to 6 weeks for talking stages that are going somewhere, with 2 to 3 months as a ceiling (Hilainie).
• 2 to 8 weeks, then decide (Bondlyfe).
• 6 to 12 weeks for a healthy talking stage; 4+ months with no change is a situationship (Amora).
• One to three weeks before meeting in person, if you live close (dating experts quoted by Yahoo).

The part they agree on: direction beats duration. A talking stage that moves from texts to calls to dates to plans is healthy at week 8. One that is still only texting at week 8 is not.

How does the stall check work?

1. Weeks and distance. How long you have been talking, and whether you live close or long distance. Long distance changes what counts as a date.
2. What has happened. Dates in person, phone or video calls, plans past next week, and whether being exclusive has come up.
3. The verdict. The check compares the steps you have taken with what usually happens by that week: a call in the first weeks, a date soon after, a few dates and real plans by week 6 to 8, and the exclusive talk by about 3 months.
4. The next step. The first step you have not taken yet, why it matters, and a line you can send, with a copy button.

Your answers are saved on your phone. Come back in two weeks and the check adds the weeks for you, so you can see if anything moved.

Talking stage rules worth keeping

• Call early. A ten-minute call tells you more than a week of texts. Our games to play on FaceTime make it easy.
• Meet when you can. If you live close, a short first date beats a long text thread.
• Ask real questions. The 21 questions game works over text and on a call.
• Do not wait to be asked. If you want more, say so. If you want to know where you stand, ask.
• Know the milestones. Once you are dating, the dating rules calculator shows your 3 month mark and where you are on 3-6-9.

How to end a talking stage kindly

If it is not going anywhere, one short, clear message is kinder than fading out. You do not owe a long reason. For example:

• "I've liked getting to know you, but I want something clearer than this, so I'm going to step back. I wish you the best."
• "I'm looking for a relationship, and this isn't turning into one. I'm going to step back. Take care."

If they answer with "let's not label it", that is an answer too.

What this check cannot tell you

• It does not know how they feel. It looks at what has happened and compares it with common advice.
• Some people move slower for good reasons: a busy job, a past relationship, distance. "Slow" is not "bad".
• The week ranges are opinions from dating sites, not research. We show where each one comes from in the sources below.