CupieGuide
How to Make Long Distance Work: 21 Tips That Actually Help
Quick answer
Long distance works when you keep a simple routine for staying in touch, do things together instead of only talking, and always have a plan for your next visit and for ending the distance. Studies show long distance couples can feel as close as, or closer than, couples who live together.
Long distance works when you have three things: a simple routine for staying in touch, shared things to do (not just talk about), and a plan for when the distance ends. Research backs this up: long distance couples can feel just as close as couples who live together, and sometimes closer. Below are 21 practical tips, what the studies actually say, and the mistakes that quietly break couples apart.
Can long distance relationships actually work?
Yes. The research is more hopeful than most people expect.
- A 2013 study by Crystal Jiang and Jeffrey Hancock, published in the Journal of Communication, had couples keep diaries of their interactions. Long distance couples talked fewer times per day, but they shared more about themselves and felt more intimate than couples who lived close by.
- A 2007 study by Laura Stafford and Andy Merolla found that long distance couples were stable while they stayed apart. The risk came later: couples who idealized each other the most, and who went longest between visits, were more likely to break up after they moved to the same place.
So the distance itself is not the enemy. The real risks are drifting into a boring routine, and building a fantasy version of your partner that real life cannot match. The tips below are built around those two risks.
How do you stay connected in a long distance relationship?
1. Agree on a call rhythm, not a call quota
Some couples call every night. Some do a few texts a day and one long call on Sunday. Neither is wrong. What hurts is when one person expects daily calls and the other thinks twice a week is plenty. Talk about it once, openly, and agree on something you can both keep up.
2. Do things together, not only talk
The most common complaint from long distance couples is "we run out of things to say". That happens when every call is a recap. Fix it by adding an activity: play a game, watch something, cook, take a quiz. In Cupie you can call your partner and play live games together on video, like Minigolf, Pool, Chess or Four in a Row, synced on both phones. Our list of long distance date ideas has 55 more.
3. Keep one planned date a week
Daily calls keep you in each other's lives. A weekly date keeps it romantic. Put it in your calendar like any other plan, and protect it.
4. Send small, random proof you are thinking of them
A photo of something that reminded you of them. A voice note on your walk. A meme at 2pm. These small moments are what living together is made of, and you can recreate a lot of it from far away.
5. Share the boring stuff too
Do not save calls only for big news. Call while you fold laundry or cook. "Doing nothing together" is what makes a relationship feel normal.
6. Make time zones fair
If one person always stays up late or wakes up early for calls, it builds quiet resentment. Find your overlap window and take turns with the hard hour. Cupie's home screen widgets show your partner's local time and the distance between you, so you always know when it is a good moment to call. Other couple widget apps do something similar.
Inside the Cupie app
Questions that keep you close, from Cupie
Word for word from the Get Closer deck in Cupie (Connection). The deck has 130 cards.
- ConnectionWhat did you learn to not take personally with me?
- ConnectionWhat feelings are hard for you to communicate to me? How can I make it easier?
- ConnectionWhen was the last time I hurt you, perhaps unintentionally?
- ConnectionHow do you define cheating?
- ConnectionFinish the sentences: I knew I really liked you when ______. I knew I loved you when ______.
- ConnectionIn what way(s) is this relationship unlike any other before?
How do you build trust from far away?
7. Talk about expectations early
Are you exclusive? How often will you visit? Who pays for travel? What counts as a dealbreaker? These talks feel awkward, but they are much worse to have after a fight.
8. Be easy to reach, not always reachable
Trust grows when your partner knows roughly where you are and that you will get back to them. It does not need constant updates. Say "going out with friends, will text when I'm home", then do it.
9. Name jealousy out loud
Jealousy grows in silence. If something bothers you, say it calmly and early: "I felt a bit left out when..." works better than a cold, short reply.
10. Do not fight over text
Text strips out tone. A short "ok" can read like anger when it was just a busy moment. When something serious comes up, move to a call, ideally video, so you can see each other's faces.
11. Learn how your partner feels loved
Some people feel loved through words, others through time, gifts, help or touch. When you are apart, you need to know which one matters most so you can aim your effort. Take our free love language quiz together and compare results.
12. Keep learning about each other
The Jiang and Hancock study found long distance couples share more about themselves. Lean into that. Ask questions you have never asked. Start with our deep questions to ask your partner.
How do you keep the spark alive?
13. Flirt on purpose
Long distance can slowly turn a couple into pen pals. Dress up for a video date. Send a flirty message in the middle of the day. Play a spicy question game. Cupie has Get Romantic and Get Spicy decks for exactly this (the app is rated 18+).
14. Send things they can touch
Letters, a hoodie that smells like you, their favorite snack from your city. A physical object stays in their room long after the call ends.
15. Create shared rituals
A goodnight message every night. A song you both play on Fridays. A game streak you do not want to break. Cupie has a daily streak, and new games unlock as it grows, which gives you a small, fun reason to show up every day.
16. Play together
Play is one of the fastest ways to feel close. A quick round of a game makes you laugh, compete and tease each other, the same way you would in person. See our picks for long distance relationship games and games to play over the phone.
How do you plan for the future?
17. Always know when you will see each other next
The single most helpful thing for most couples is a date on the calendar. Even if the visit is months away, a countdown turns "I miss you" into "only 43 days left".
18. Make visits normal, not only perfect
It is tempting to fill every visit with big plans. Leave room for normal days too: grocery shopping, cooking, doing nothing. This matters. Stafford and Merolla found that the couples who idealized each other most had the hardest time after reuniting. Seeing each other's normal life keeps your picture of each other real.
19. Have an end date, or at least a plan for one
Long distance is easier when it is a chapter, not the whole book. You do not need a firm date on day one, but you should talk about who might move, when, and what would need to happen.
20. Keep your own life full
Friends, hobbies, work, sleep. A partner who has a full life is more interesting on the phone, and less likely to put all their happiness on one nightly call.
21. Prepare for the move together
When you finally close the distance, expect an adjustment. You will lose some alone time and see each other's habits up close. Talk about space, chores and money before the move, not after.
What are the biggest long distance relationship mistakes?
| Mistake | Why it hurts | What to do instead |
|---|---|---|
| Every call is a status update | Calls start to feel like a chore | Add a game, a show or a question deck |
| No next visit planned | The distance feels endless | Always book or plan the next visit |
| Fighting over text | Tone gets lost, fights grow | Switch to a call for anything serious |
| Calling out of duty | Resentment builds slowly | Agree on a rhythm that fits both of you |
| Idealizing your partner | Reality can feel like a letdown later | Share normal, unfiltered days |
| Dropping your own life | Puts all the pressure on one call | Keep friends, hobbies and routines |
| No talk about the future | Doubt creeps in | Discuss when and how you will close the gap |
What apps help long distance couples?
You do not need a dozen apps. Most couples do well with a messaging app, a way to watch things together, and one app that makes calls more fun. Cupie fills that last spot: a free video call app where you play 14 games together live, plus 239 quizzes like Would You Rather and Who's More Likely To. As of October 2026 it has 4.8 stars on both the App Store and Google Play.
"I absolutely love this app. The quizzes are great to get to learn your partner more and there's so much built it. I think it's perfect for long distance couples looking to build that connection." (MarieJordan00, App Store)
Honest limits: both partners need the app, and it is built for video calls, so there is no text chat yet. It is also newer and smaller than apps like Paired or Between. If you want daily questions or shared calendars instead, see our full comparison of the best long distance relationship apps.
A simple long distance routine to start this week
- Daily: one good morning or goodnight message, plus a short call or game if you have time.
- Weekly: one planned date, like a movie, a cooking date or a deep question night.
- Monthly: a check-in talk: what is working, what feels hard, what you miss.
- Always: a date for your next visit on the calendar.
Start small. A routine you keep beats a perfect plan you drop after two weeks.
FAQ
Do long distance relationships work?
They can. A 2013 study in the Journal of Communication found long distance couples shared more and felt more intimate than geographically close couples, and a 2007 study found they stayed stable while apart.
How often should you talk in a long distance relationship?
There is no right number. Agree on a rhythm you can both keep, for example a short daily check-in plus one longer planned date a week.
How do you keep a long distance relationship interesting?
Add shared activities to your calls, like games, movies, cooking or question decks, so every call is not just a recap of your day.
What is the hardest part of a long distance relationship?
Many couples say it is the lack of physical closeness and the feeling that calls get repetitive. Planning the next visit and doing activities together on calls helps with both.
What happens when a long distance relationship becomes close distance?
Expect an adjustment period. Research by Stafford and Merolla found couples who idealized each other most had a harder time after reuniting, so share normal days and talk about space, chores and money before the move.
How we made this page: researched and drafted with help from AI tools, then reviewed and edited by Niclas Illg against the sources below and the official app listings on October 19, 2026. Cupie is our own app, and we say so wherever we compare it.
Sources
- Jiang and Hancock (2013), Absence Makes the Communication Grow Fonder, Journal of Communication
- New media allows requited love to know no distance (Cornell Chronicle)
- Stafford and Merolla (2007), Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships
- Cupie on the App Store
- Cupie on Google Play