Can We Make Long Distance Work? A Relationship Quiz for Two

How does the quiz work?

1. Pick your distance. Different cities, different countries, college, or about to start. Each adds a few questions that matter for that situation, like time zones, visas, money for visits or how you cope with missing someone. Met online? Tick We met online to add a private safety check, whatever your distance.
2. Pick who is taking it. Each on your own phone (send a link), both on one phone (answers hidden from each other), or just you.
3. Answer on your own. 15 to 19 short questions, about three minutes. Your partner never sees your answers while they answer.
4. See it side by side. A row of squares shows every question as the same answer, one step apart, or worth a talk. Tap one to see both answers. Each area gets a score for each of you, and every real difference comes with a question to ask each other.
5. Make a two week plan. The result ends with four small steps, starting with your lowest area.

Your answers stay on your phone. If you send a link, the answers travel inside the link itself, so nothing is stored on a server.

What actually makes long distance work?

Long distance has a bad reputation, but the research is kinder than the jokes. A 2013 study by Jiang and Hancock found that long distance couples felt more intimate than couples who lived close, because they shared more about themselves and gave each other more credit. A study of 870 people in Family Process the same year found long distance couples reported equal or higher relationship quality, and were about as likely to still be together at follow up as couples who lived close.

What makes the difference is how you handle the distance. Five areas come up again and again in research and in what couples report:

• Talking. Not how much, but whether the rhythm suits you both. One long call a night is perfect for some couples and a chore for others. Doing things together on calls (a game, a show, cooking the same meal) keeps them from turning into status updates. Our long distance games and date ideas help here.
• Visits. A date on the calendar makes the wait feel finite. So does a fair split of travel and costs, said out loud. Try our countdown until I see you.
• The end date. You do not need an exact date, but you need a shared direction: who might move, where, and roughly when.
• Trust. Say out loud what being exclusive means to you, and move real arguments from text to a call, where tone is easier to read.
• Your own life. Friends, plans and hobbies where you live keep the relationship from being the only thing in your week, and give you more to talk about.

One honest warning from the research: closing the distance is its own change. Stafford and Merolla (2007) found that some long distance couples idealize each other, and that couples who moved to the same place broke up more often than those who stayed apart. Talking about everyday life now (money, chores, how you spend a normal evening) makes that move easier.

Do online long distance relationships work?

Yes, they can. Plenty of couples meet on apps, in games or on Discord and build something real. If you met online and have not met in person yet, tick We met online in the quiz. It adds five safety questions. Those answers stay on your phone: they are never put in the link you send, and your partner never sees them. The green flags are simple: regular live video calls, real plans to meet, friends who know about each other, and no money involved.

The red flags are just as clear. Someone who never shows up on live video, keeps cancelling plans to meet, asks you to keep things secret, or asks for money, gift cards or crypto fits the pattern the FTC describes for romance scams. If any of that sounds familiar, take our romance scam checklist before you send anything.

Can I handle a long distance relationship?

Most people can, if three things are true: you both want it for a reason you can name, you have a rough plan for when it ends, and you have a life where you are that does not stop when the call ends. If you are about to start, pick About to start in the quiz. It asks why you are choosing it, whether you have agreed how often to talk, whether the first visit is planned, and how you cope when you miss someone. Take it alone first if you want to think it through, then send it to your partner.

Should we do long distance in college?

It works best when you both want it, can afford the visits you need, and can talk about what happens after this year. Pick College or school in the quiz to add questions about sleep, money for visits and the plan after the term. One of them asks whether you could tell each other if you wanted to end it. That matters: it is okay to decide that ending things kindly is the right call, and saying so early is a kindness to both of you.

The questions in the quiz

Everyone answers these 15 (met online couples get a safety question about meeting in place of the visit plan question):

1. On a normal weekday, how much contact feels right to you?
2. When one of you is busy and cannot call, what usually happens?
3. After most of your calls, how do you feel?
4. Do you do things together on calls, or mostly catch up?
5. How often would you like to see each other in person?
6. Is your next time together planned?
7. How do you split travel and costs?
8. Do you know roughly when the distance will end?
9. How sure are you that you want the same future?
10. When your partner goes out without you, how do you feel?
11. What have you agreed about seeing other people?
12. How do your arguments over text usually go?
13. Do you have a life where you are: friends, plans, things you enjoy?
14. Do the people close to you support the relationship?
15. How do you honestly feel about the distance right now?

Different countries adds:

1. Is your next time together planned?
2. Do the time zones work for you?
3. Do you know what it takes to live in the same country (visa, work, study)?
4. Have you met each other’s family or friends, even on video?

College or school adds:

1. Is your next time together planned?
2. Is the relationship getting in the way of classes, sleep or friends?
3. Can you afford the visits you want this term?
4. Have you talked about what happens after this school year?
5. If one of you wanted to end it, could you say so?

About to start adds:

1. Why are you choosing long distance?
2. Have you talked about how often you will talk?
3. Is the first visit planned?
4. How do you usually cope when you miss someone?

Met online adds a private safety check:

1. Have you seen each other live on video?
2. Has either of you asked the other for money, gift cards, crypto or to receive a package?
3. Have you made a plan to meet in person?
4. Do their photos, stories and profiles match what you know?
5. Does anyone in your life know about them?

What are the limits?

• It is a conversation starter, not a prediction. No quiz can tell you whether you stay together.
• Scores show how each of you sees things today. Retake it in a couple of months and compare: the result shows what changed.
• If you feel controlled, pressured or unsafe, a quiz is not the right tool. Talk to someone you trust or contact loveisrespect.org.

More help: our long distance relationship tips, the rules most couples agree on, and apps that help long distance couples.