Love Map Questions: The 20 Questions Game

Love map questions test how well you know your partner's world: their day, their people, their past, their worries and their dreams. Play the free love map 20 questions game above. Take turns picking a number from 1 to 60, ask the question about yourself, and the page keeps score. Then try the love map check: 60 quick true or false lines that end with 5 things to ask this week. No printing, no adding up points on paper, no app to install.

How does the love map 20 questions game work?

1. Type your names and pick a length: 10 quick, 20 classic or 30 long.
2. Pick a number. The player whose turn it is taps any number from 1 to 60, or taps Surprise me.
3. Ask about yourself. Read the question out loud. It is about you, so your partner has to answer it.
4. Judge the answer. If your partner gets it right, tap the button: they win the points on the card (2 to 5) and you get 1. If not, nobody scores.
5. Swap. Now your partner picks a number and asks you. The higher score at the end wins.

How this matches the book's exercise: the same 1 to 60 numbers, the same turns and the same scoring (the answerer wins the card's points, the asker gets 1). Choose 20 questions each for the full version. Only the wording of the questions is ours.

The page remembers which numbers you have played, so next month you can start with fresh ones. Missed questions show up at the end as things to ask about this week.

What is a love map?

Love map is the name relationship researcher John Gottman gave to the part of your mind where you keep what you know about your partner's life. The Gottman Institute says couples with detailed love maps are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict, because they already know each other's thoughts and feelings. The maps fade if you stop asking, which is why this game is worth playing more than once.

The official love map cards are in the free Gottman Card Decks app. Use that app for the full decks, and this page for the scored numbers game and the weekly check. The questions on this page are our own, written for the same idea, with scoring built in. If you would rather learn about each other through a send-a-link quiz, try our how well do you know me quiz.

60 love map questions for the 20 questions game

Each question is asked by the person it is about. Points go to the partner who answers it right; harder questions are worth more.

1. What did I eat for lunch today, or yesterday? (2 points)
2. What is one thing I am looking forward to this week? (3 points)
3. What is my favorite way to spend a rainy afternoon? (2 points)
4. What is something at work or school that is bothering me right now? (4 points)
5. Which friend do I text most often? (2 points)
6. What was the best part of my childhood summers? (3 points)
7. What is a food I loved as a kid that I still crave? (3 points)
8. What is one goal I am working toward this year? (4 points)
9. What is my go-to comfort show or movie? (2 points)
10. What is a dream I have mostly given up on, but still think about? (5 points)
11. Who in my family am I most like? (3 points)
12. What song have I been playing on repeat lately? (2 points)
13. What is one thing I wish I was braver about? (4 points)
14. Where would I go if I had one free week and no budget? (3 points)
15. What drink do I order when I want a treat? (2 points)
16. What is a moment I felt really proud of myself in the last year? (4 points)
17. Who was my best friend when I was ten? (3 points)
18. What is one worry I have about the future? (4 points)
19. What chore do I put off the longest? (2 points)
20. Which teacher or mentor shaped me the most? (3 points)
21. What is something I have never fully told anyone, but would tell you if you asked? (5 points)
22. What is my favorite smell? (2 points)
23. What do I do first when I have a bad day? (3 points)
24. What would my perfect ordinary day look like? (4 points)
25. What is my favorite memory of us so far? (3 points)
26. What is my least favorite food? (2 points)
27. What makes me feel most appreciated by you? (4 points)
28. What was my first job, or my first way of earning money? (3 points)
29. What is one habit I am trying to build or break right now? (4 points)
30. What app do I open first in the morning? (2 points)
31. What is my biggest fear about getting older? (5 points)
32. Which place from my past would I love to show you? (3 points)
33. Who do I call when something big happens? (4 points)
34. What is my favorite season and why? (2 points)
35. What is a skill I would love to learn? (3 points)
36. What is one thing I find hard to ask for? (4 points)
37. What was the hardest year of my life so far? (3 points)
38. What snack do I always come back to? (2 points)
39. What do I want people to say about me when I am not in the room? (4 points)
40. What is my favorite way to be cheered up? (3 points)
41. What is one thing I would change about my life if I could start again? (5 points)
42. What book, show or game am I into right now? (2 points)
43. Who in my life am I worried about at the moment? (4 points)
44. What did I want to be when I grew up? (3 points)
45. What is my dream car, bike or ride? (2 points)
46. What is a small thing you do that makes my day better? (4 points)
47. What is a tradition from my family that I want to keep? (3 points)
48. What place makes me feel calm? (3 points)
49. What is something I am still trying to forgive, in myself or someone else? (5 points)
50. What is my favorite holiday? (2 points)
51. What do I need from you when I am stressed? (4 points)
52. What is a risk I am glad I took? (3 points)
53. What is my usual coffee, tea or morning drink? (2 points)
54. What is one thing I would like us to do more often? (4 points)
55. Which song reminds me of a big moment in my life? (3 points)
56. What is my current biggest stress about money, time or health? (4 points)
57. What is something I believed as a kid that I do not believe now? (3 points)
58. What is my biggest hope for the two of us in five years? (5 points)
59. What would I order at my favorite restaurant? (2 points)
60. What is a compliment I still remember years later? (4 points)

What does the love map check measure?

The check has 60 lines like "I know what my partner is most stressed about this week". You tap the ones that are true. The result shows six areas:

• Their world right now: this week's stress, wins, sleep and plans.
• Their people: friends, family and who they call with big news.
• Their story: childhood, hard times and old dreams.
• Their likes and dislikes: food, music, gifts and pet peeves.
• Their worries: fears, money, health and the things they avoid talking about.
• Their hopes and dreams: where they want to live, travel and grow.

Most people score highest on likes and lowest on worries and dreams. That is normal: those are the topics we ask about least. The 5 questions at the end come from your weakest areas. Send the result to your partner and they can check their map of you, then compare. For more conversation, try our 36 questions to fall in love or the newlywed game for a lighter round.

Using it with a couples therapist

If a therapist suggested love maps, do the love map check once each before your next session and bring two things: your percent and your weakest area. Play the 20 questions game in the weeks between sessions. This page is a conversation game, not therapy, so take anything hard that comes up to your therapist.

Tips for playing

• Be a kind judge. Close answers can count. The point is to learn, not to win.
• Follow up on misses. "What made you say that?" turns a wrong answer into a good talk.
• Play monthly. Put it in the calendar with a date night at home.
• Long distance? One of you holds the board and you play out loud on a video call. See our long distance games for more.

What are the limits?

• This is a conversation game, not a test or therapy. It cannot tell you if a relationship is healthy.
• Scores and checks are saved only in this browser. Clearing your browser data removes them.
• The shared check link carries your six area scores and your first name, not the lines you ticked.