36 Questions to Fall in Love (Live Player)

This free player walks you through the 36 questions to fall in love one at a time, word for word from Arthur Aron's 1997 study. It tells you whose turn it is, keeps the study's 15 minutes per set if you want it, times the 4-minute life story in question 11, and ends with a 4-minute eye contact timer. Send the link and your partner's phone opens on the same question. No sign-up, no ads.

How does the 36 questions player work?

1. Add your names if you like. The player then says who reads each question. Skip it and it says "You" and "Partner".
2. Tap Start. One of you reads the question out loud and answers first. Then the other person answers. The reader switches every question, as in the study.
3. Tap Next when you are both done. Swipe left on the card or press the right arrow key if that is easier.
4. Move through three sets. Each set starts with a short intro. With the soft timer on, you get 15 minutes per set and a gentle chime when it is time to move on. It never forces you.
5. Finish with the eye contact. After question 36, the player offers 4 minutes of silent eye contact with a calm timer. Pick "Same room" or "Video call" for the right tip.

Tap the expand icon for focus mode: the question fills the screen and a tap on the card moves on, so you can put the phone on the table between you. The player keeps your screen awake while you play, where your browser allows it.

Can we do it on two phones or a video call?

Yes. Tap the link icon next to the question. Your partner opens the link and lands on the same question, with no app and no account. Each of you taps Next when you are both ready. The question number at the top keeps you in step, and the grid under "All 36 questions" lets either of you jump to a number.

On a video call, use headphones and prop your phone at eye level. For question 25, say "We are both on this call feeling..." instead of "in this room". For the eye contact, look at the camera dot, not the screen. Our video call ideas have more ways to spend a night together on a call.

What makes this different from a list?

• The exact wording. Every question is the one from the paper, in the original order. Many sites shorten or reword them.
• Turns are handled for you. You never have to remember who read last.
• Timers where the study has them. 15 minutes per set and 4 minutes per person for the life story. No nagging timer on every question.
• Two phones, one question. Good for long distance couples and for anyone who does not want to read from one small screen.
• Resume later. 45 minutes is long. Your place is saved on your phone.
• Printable cards. At the end, print all 36 as cut-out cards or save them as a PDF.

Where do the 36 questions come from?

They come from a 1997 paper by Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone and Renee J. Bator in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Pairs of students took turns on the questions in three sets of 15 minutes each, and felt much closer afterward than pairs who made small talk for the same time. The list became famous in 2015 through Mandy Len Catron's Modern Love essay "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This". Our full guide to the 36 questions covers the study, what it found and what it did not.

Read all 36 questions as a list

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make 3 true "we" statements each. For instance "We are both in this room feeling..."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

What are the honest limits?

• It builds closeness, not guaranteed love. The authors said the questions create a feeling of closeness, not commitment or attraction on their own.
• The two phones do not talk to each other. The link puts you on the same question, then each of you taps Next. There is no server, which also means nothing you say or do here is stored anywhere but your own phone.
• Some questions are heavy. Numbers 18, 24 and 35 can bring up grief or family pain. The player says so on those cards. It is fine to share only part of an answer.
• Clearing your browser data clears your saved place. The link in the address bar still holds the question number.

What to do after the 36 questions

Keep the next date lighter. Try the 21 questions game, see how well you know each other with our couples quiz, or save a few deep questions to ask your partner for another night.