How to Ask Someone to Be Your Girlfriend (or “What Are We?”)

To ask someone to be your girlfriend, say how you feel first, then ask one clear question. "I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?" or "I'm curious how you see us" both work. The tool above has 83 ready texts for five goals and three tones, and the playbook under it covers the reply, which is the part most guides skip.

How does it work?

1. Pick your goal. Make it official (tap the word girlfriend in the text to switch to boyfriend or partner), what are we, be exclusive, slow down, or end it kindly.
2. Pick a tone. Gentle, direct or playful (light, for breakups). Add their name in the To line if you like.
3. Make it yours. Some texts have underlined blanks. Tap one to add a real detail, like a plan or a memory.
4. Copy it, or save it for later. Not sure? Tap Ask a friend to get a second opinion.
5. Get ready for the reply. Tap what they said, from "yes" to "I'm not sure yet" to no reply at all, and get good ways to answer.

When should you ask "what are we"?

Ask when the answer will change what you do next. If you want to stop seeing other people, feel unsure where you stand, or are getting more attached than feels safe, it is time. There is no correct number of dates. Many people find the talk easier after a few weeks of regular dates, but the right time is when you want to know.

• Text or in person? A short text is fine to start, especially if you already talk about real things by text. The longer talk can happen on a call or face to face.
• Lead with you. "I like this and I'm not seeing anyone else" is easier to answer than "what is this".
• One question per text. Two questions in one message get half an answer.

What if they are not sure?

"I'm not sure yet" is an honest answer, not a no. Thank them, ask what would help them decide, and agree on when you will check in again. If they say "I don't do labels", ask what that means day to day, like whether they are seeing other people. If there is no reply after a day, one calm follow-up is fair. After that, their silence tells you what you need to know.

How do you end a situationship kindly?

A clear text is kinder than slowly fading out. Say it is not what you are looking for, thank them for the good parts, and stop there. Do not list their flaws. If they ask why, give one honest reason about fit. If they get upset, reply once with kindness and then stop. You do not owe a debate.

What comes next?

If it is a yes, keep it fun: play our 21 questions game together, try questions to ask your partner, or pick from games to play on FaceTime for nights apart. Still early? Our after first date text builder and Hinge prompt ideas help with the steps before this one.

What are the limits?

• These are starting points. The best text sounds like you, so change any word that does not.
• No text can make someone want the same thing as you. It can only help you ask clearly and kindly.
• If you feel unsafe or pressured by the person you are dating, talk to someone you trust before you reply.
• Their name, your saved texts and your edits stay in this browser only. The link holds only your goal, tone and which text you picked. When you share a text with a friend, the message contains that text exactly as you see it.