Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

The best questions to ask in a new relationship match where you are. This free generator sorts 288 original questions into five stages, from first dates to six months in, and four levels: Light, Deep, Deeper and Flirty. Pick your stage, tap Next question, and both answer. Nothing comes up twice, and nothing jumps ahead of where you are.

How does the stage picker work?

1. Pick your stage. First dates, Not met yet (you talk online or long distance and have not met in person), Just official, 1 to 3 months, or 3 to 6 months.
2. Pick a level. Light for easy talk, Deep for how they think and feel, Deeper for what matters most, Flirty for playful (never explicit). Any mixes them and starts light.
3. Take turns. One reads, both answer. Swipe the card or tap Next question.
4. Skip what feels early. Too soon removes a card for good on your phone. Tap the heart to keep a good one.

Stuck? Spin turns a wheel of levels and lands on a surprise question from your stage. On a call or apart? Tap Play together: Two phones sends your partner the same cards in the same order, and Both answer lets you each write an answer that opens only after the other has written theirs.

What should you ask at each stage?

How do you keep it from feeling like an interview?

• Answer your own question too. A new relationship is a two-way street. If you ask, you answer.
• Follow the answer, not the deck. If a question opens a good story, stay there. The next card can wait.
• Three or four cards are enough. On a date or a call, a few good questions beat twenty quick ones.
• Keep deeper ones for calm moments. Late at night or on a slow walk, not over a loud dinner.
• It is about knowing each other. Researchers at the Gottman Institute describe this as building a love map of your partner's world, which you keep updating as you both change.

For more, see questions to ask your boyfriend, questions to ask your girlfriend and the 36 questions to fall in love. To play a game instead, try the 21 questions game. Once you are past six months, the question game for couples has every topic in one deck.

What are the limits?

• Stages are a guide, not a rule. Some couples talk about the future on date three, others wait a year. Use Too soon freely.
• Favorites, skipped cards and your stage are saved in this browser only.
• Both answer puts your written answer inside the link, so only send it to the person you are dating.
• These are conversation questions written by us, not advice. If something in a relationship feels unsafe, talk to someone you trust or a support line such as loveisrespect.

All questions by stage

First dates (72)

1. What would your best friend want me to know about you?
2. What is the last thing you got really excited about?
3. What do you do on a free Saturday when nobody needs you?
4. Are you a plan everything person or a see what happens person?
5. What is your go-to coffee order, and are you loyal to it?
6. Which city or town feels most like home to you?
7. Which show are you watching right now that you would recommend?
8. What could you talk about for an hour without notes?
9. Which place near here do you love that most people skip?
10. Do you have a party trick?
11. What was the last trip you took, and would you go back?
12. What are you bad at but enjoy anyway?
13. What is the best concert or show you have ever been to?
14. If you could learn one thing overnight, what would it be?
15. What do you love that everyone else finds boring?
16. Which movie can you quote from start to finish?
17. What job did you have that taught you the most?
18. What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?
19. Museum, market or long walk: which one for a free afternoon?
20. What is your most controversial food opinion?
21. Which smell do you love that most people hate?
22. Which app do you open first in the morning, honestly?
23. What would you do all day if money did not matter?
24. Who is the funniest person you know?
25. Which song is stuck in your head this week?
26. What is the best advice anyone older ever gave you?
27. Cats, dogs, or neither, and why?
28. What would your dream weekend trip be, two hours from here?
29. Which board game or video game do you always win?
30. What did you collect as a kid?
31. Which hobby would you pick up if you had one free evening a week?
32. What is your go-to karaoke song, or would be?
33. What is the most interesting thing you learned this month?
34. Beach holiday, city break, or a cabin with no signal?
35. What is the most underrated city you have been to?
36. Which fictional character do you relate to a little too much?
37. Who do you call first when something good happens?
38. Which friend knows you best, and how did you meet?
39. Which small thing instantly makes you like someone?
40. What did you change your mind about recently?
41. What makes a day feel well spent to you?
42. Which risk did you take that paid off?
43. What are you most curious about right now?
44. What do you admire most in the people you are close to?
45. Which moment this year made you laugh the hardest?
46. What kind of people do you feel most at ease with?
47. What are you looking for this year, in life and in love?
48. Which value of yours would you never trade, and where did it come from?
49. Which lesson did you learn the hard way, and was it worth it?
50. Which couple you know do you admire, and why?
51. What are you proud of that took a long time?
52. What is something you believe that took you years to figure out?
53. What do you want more of in your life this year?
54. What makes you trust someone?
55. What does a really good friend do for you?
56. When do you feel most like yourself?
57. What was your first impression of me, before we said a word?
58. What is a green flag you have noticed about me so far?
59. Be honest: did you plan your outfit for today?
60. If this goes well, what should our next date be?
61. What made you say yes to this date?
62. What is the most attractive thing about me so far, honestly?
63. What is a small gesture on a date that wins you over?
64. What made you smile the most tonight?
65. What was your first thought when you saw me walk in?
66. Which of my answers made you want to keep talking?
67. Would you rather go for dessert now or save it for next time?
68. What is one thing you want to know about me before tonight ends?
69. What song would you play if we were in a car right now?
70. What is the boldest thing you would do on a first date?
71. Who do you think was more nervous before tonight?
72. What should I call you in my phone?

Not met yet (talking online or long distance) (70)

1. What made you reply to me?
2. Describe your room right now so I can picture it.
3. What time is it where you are, and what would you normally be doing?
4. What is the view from your window?
5. Which song would you put on a playlist for me?
6. What do you do when you cannot sleep?
7. What would we do on our first day together if it were up to you?
8. What is the most normal part of your day that I would find interesting?
9. Voice notes, texts or calls: what do you like best, and why?
10. Which food from where you live do I have to try first?
11. Tell me the story behind a photo on your phone from this week.
12. Which word or phrase do you say all the time?
13. Which local place would you take me to on my first night in your town?
14. What would you show me first on a video tour of your place?
15. What does your morning look like on a normal weekday?
16. What would you cook for our first dinner together?
17. What is on your wall or desk that I cannot see on camera?
18. Which series should we start together, one episode a night?
19. Which game should we play together on a call this week?
20. What sound can you hear right now where you are?
21. What is your favorite spot in your town to sit and think?
22. Which emoji do you think sums me up so far?
23. What is a habit of mine you have noticed through the screen?
24. What do you think will surprise you about me in person?
25. What are you nervous about for when we finally meet?
26. How do you like to hear from me on a busy day?
27. Which part of my day do you wish you could see?
28. What do you want to show me where you live?
29. How do you like to say goodnight when we are apart?
30. What is easier to say over text than in person?
31. What would make our calls feel more like real dates?
32. How often do you want to talk so it feels good, not like a chore?
33. What do your friends know about me so far?
34. Which moment from our chats do you keep thinking about?
35. What do you want to know about me before we meet that you have not asked yet?
36. Which topic do we avoid that we should talk about?
37. How do you feel after a long call with me?
38. What do you want us to do together online this week?
39. Which time of day do you most wish we were together?
40. How do you want to plan the first meeting: a short coffee or a whole weekend?
41. What do you hope your friends think of me when they meet me?
42. Which friend have you told the most about me?
43. What would you need to feel sure this is real?
44. What would make our first meeting feel easy, not like a test?
45. What do you hope stays the same once we meet in person?
46. How do you want us to handle it if meeting changes how one of us feels?
47. What about you is hard to see through a screen?
48. How will we know if we want to make this official?
49. What do you want us to be honest about early, before we meet?
50. What do you need to feel close when we cannot see each other?
51. What do you think we already know about each other that most people take months to learn?
52. What would you do if we both went quiet and shy when we first meet?
53. What has talking to me changed in your days?
54. How often do you want to see each other once we start visiting?
55. What is the first thing you want to do when you see me in person?
56. What do you want to whisper to me the first time we are close enough?
57. Which of my voice notes do you replay?
58. Hug, kiss or play it cool: how should we greet each other the first time?
59. What do you think about right after we hang up?
60. What outfit should I wear the day we meet?
61. Which of my messages made you smile at your phone like an idiot?
62. What would our first date be if you planned every detail?
63. What would you cook for me on a lazy morning together?
64. What do you imagine our first hug feels like?
65. Which of my habits do you think will make you laugh in person?
66. What is the cutest thing I have said on a call?
67. What would you want to do on our first evening alone?
68. Which of my outfits from our calls do you want to see in person?
69. What do you think we will talk about first when we are face to face?
70. Which sweet thing do you want to say to me but save for in person?

Just made it official (44)

1. When did you decide you wanted this to be official?
2. Who did you tell first about us, and what did they say?
3. Which place do you want to take me that matters to you?
4. Do you want a couple photo on your phone, or is that too much right now?
5. Which nickname for me feels right, and which one is a hard no?
6. What date should we do next that we have not done yet?
7. What do I do that you like more than you have said?
8. Which of your friends do you want me to meet first?
9. What did you think I was like before you really knew me?
10. What is the most fun we have had so far?
11. Which hobby of yours do you want to share with me?
12. Which song do you want to play for me on a long drive?
13. Which day trip should we take this month?
14. What does being official change for you, if anything?
15. How much time together feels right to you in a normal week?
16. How do you like to handle plans: ask first, or just assume we are together?
17. Which habit from past relationships do you not want to repeat?
18. How do you show someone you care when you are busy?
19. What should I know about how you act when you are stressed?
20. How do you feel about posting each other online?
21. What does a great weekend look like for you, with me in it?
22. What do you need when you are upset: space, a hug, or to talk it out?
23. What do you want me to ask you about more?
24. Which small gesture would mean a lot to you?
25. Texting during the day: lots, a little, or only when needed?
26. What is your favorite holiday, and how do you like to spend it?
27. What are you still getting used to about being a couple?
28. What makes you feel secure in a relationship?
29. What would you love from us that you have not asked for yet?
30. How do you know when you can fully relax around someone?
31. What should I do if I ever feel jealous, so it does not turn into a fight?
32. What do people only learn about you after a while?
33. How do you want me to tell you when something bothers me?
34. How do you like to be supported when something big is going on for you?
35. What do you hope we will be like as a couple six months from now?
36. Which part of your past do you want me to understand better, when you are ready?
37. When did you first want to kiss me?
38. What do I do that you find hard to resist?
39. Which of our dates would you replay if you could?
40. What did you think the first time I held your hand?
41. Where would you take me to kiss me somewhere new?
42. What would you like me to text you tomorrow morning?
43. What would make you blush if I said it right now?
44. Which compliment from me would make your whole day?

One to three months in (50)

1. What is your favorite memory of us so far?
2. What about me surprised you in a good way?
3. What is the best meal we have shared?
4. Which of my friends do you get along with best?
5. Which song already feels like ours?
6. What was the funniest moment of our last date?
7. What should we do this season before it ends?
8. Which weekend plan would you love us to try next month?
9. What is your favorite way to spend a lazy evening with me?
10. If we had a whole free day tomorrow, what would we do?
11. What have we tried together that you would never have tried alone?
12. Which of my stories do you want to hear again?
13. Which place we have been together do you want to go back to?
14. What did you think after our second date?
15. What do you like about who you are with me?
16. How do you like to make up after a small disagreement?
17. What could I do to make your week easier?
18. When do you feel most connected to me?
19. What do you still feel shy about around me?
20. How do you feel about meeting each other's families, and when?
21. What do you wish I knew about your daily life?
22. How do you want us to handle money on dates from now on?
23. What are we already good at together?
24. What do you like to be complimented on?
25. How do you like to be cared for when you are sick?
26. What do you think our biggest difference is, and is it a problem or fun?
27. What do I do that makes you feel looked after?
28. What do you want to keep just for us, and what is fine to share with friends?
29. How has your idea of me changed since our first date?
30. What is a fear about us you would rather say now than later?
31. Which part of you are you still slow to show me?
32. How do you hope we handle our first big fight?
33. What makes you feel like a priority to me?
34. What helps you trust someone more over time?
35. Which part of my life would you like to be more involved in?
36. What do you find hard to say out loud, even to me?
37. How do you feel when we are apart for a few days?
38. Which part of your family story would you like me to understand?
39. Which of your dreams do you want me to cheer on?
40. What would you want me to do if I noticed you pulling away?
41. What do I do that makes you want to kiss me mid-sentence?
42. When do you think I look my best?
43. What is the most romantic thing I have done so far?
44. Which of my habits do you find secretly cute?
45. What do you like most about how we kiss?
46. When did I look so good that you lost your train of thought?
47. What should I wear on our next date?
48. What is your favorite way to be woken up?
49. What did I do on our last date that you are still thinking about?
50. Which of my little touches do you love most?

Three to six months in (52)

1. Which habit of ours do you hope we keep forever?
2. Where should we go for our first trip together, or our next one?
3. If a stranger watched our last date, how would they describe us?
4. What would you put in a time capsule about our first months?
5. What have you learned from me so far?
6. How should we mark our next milestone?
7. What is the first thing you notice when I walk into a room now?
8. What do we always laugh about now?
9. Which goal should we hit together before the year ends?
10. Which tradition have we already started without planning it?
11. Which of our photos would you print and put on a wall?
12. Which of our jokes would make no sense to anyone else?
13. Which of my friends would you trust to plan a surprise for me?
14. What should we cook together this month?
15. What do you want our next six months to look like?
16. What would you like us to do more often?
17. How has being with me changed your routines?
18. What do we disagree on that you actually enjoy talking about?
19. How do you feel about our pace, honestly?
20. What do you need more of from me, and what do you need less of?
21. How do you see your friends and me fitting into the same life?
22. Describe a normal Sunday for us a year from now.
23. What are you curious about in my family or friends?
24. How do we know when to give each other space?
25. When have you felt most supported by me?
26. Which of my friends would you like to know better?
27. What is the best thing about where we are right now?
28. Which habit of yours should I know about before we travel together?
29. Is there a city or country you would need to live in one day?
30. What does a future with me look like when you let yourself picture it?
31. What matters most to you in someone you build a life with?
32. How do you feel about living together one day?
33. What do you want to make sure we never lose as this gets more serious?
34. What have you held back because it felt too soon?
35. When life gets hard for one of us, what should the other one do first?
36. What has surprised you about how you feel about me?
37. When have you felt we were a good team so far?
38. How do you want us to talk about the future without pressure?
39. What would make you feel ready for the next step with us?
40. How do you want us to keep dating each other once things feel settled?
41. How do you picture family in your life one day?
42. What would a life you are proud of look like in ten years?
43. What does a good balance between work and us look like to you?
44. What do you still find exciting about me, months in?
45. What is the most attractive thing about me that I do not see?
46. What is your favorite way for me to surprise you?
47. When do you feel most wanted by me?
48. What would make our next night in feel like a first date again?
49. What is your favorite thing I wear around the house?
50. What do you think about when you are about to see me?
51. What is your favorite thing I do when we are alone?
52. When did I last make you feel butterflies?